lovetragedia's Xanga

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 05:09:19 GMT

You said we'll get over this, you don't know how it'll happen, but time would make sure it does.
It's been almost a year. And we're not healed at all.

There was no rush of warm air

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:34:30 GMT

I don't know what to do, how to help, what to say. I'm bad enough at dealing with loss myself, but I should be stronger and I should help somehow but I'm lost.

I really think I should start praying now. At least for God to give strength to those I love and for everyone to be okay.

Searching for a former clarity

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 08:51:06 GMT

"Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up." - Alex (Grey's Anatomy)

Trying to make things right

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:57:24 GMT

I hope I'm right that things are going okay, and we've been okay and I just want to be here for you. Hope this will last too, reading back old stuff got me really :( and scared, but we're going to be okay <3
On another note I can't figure out what happened, I'm just sad things are the way they are right now, I think inside of me I'm just afraid but I wish things could be the way they used to be.
And for the rest, I'm very, very sorry (especially for yesterday) I really think I need anger management; but thank you for being there esp J & P for keeping me calm and everything; I'm really really sorry.

A year ago, we graduated! :)
This year really went by so fast. And I hope the next will be alright too, even if it'll be different.

Afraid to see that she's lost her direction

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:53:52 GMT

Sometimes I get scared when I see people who are sad too, or broken too. I don't want people to have to go through the pain I have gone through because it's sad and it hurts.
But maybe a part of me wants to be the special, damaged one. The one who wants to take care of everyone but wants to be taken care of as well.

Let your words start spilling out against your will

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:41:38 GMT

The Happy.

Read the Rest

I'm not together but I'm getting there

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:38:25 GMT

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 09:12:54 GMT

Most of the time now it feels like I'm not here anymore and I can't figure out why.

The tide that left and never came back

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 03:00:45 GMT

“I spent a lot of time being miserable, Jake. It’s like misery is an old friend. And it tricks you sometimes into thinking that it’s just always gonna be there and that you can’t be happy. But you can, you can walk away from pain. And I think being in love’s the best way to do it.”
— Peyton to Jake (Every Day is A Sunday Evening [3.20])

You thought that I would be lonely

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:42:58 GMT

Watching grey's made me think/sad but I always like that feeling I wish I knew why. Thanks for watching/giving me an excuse to watch it yitong :)

And for what it's worth -

Owen: I didn't do anything wrong today. I treated you like I would anyone else.
Cristina: I am not like anyone else. Take care now? What is that? What are you like, you're not happy now? What are you? Just a choke 'em and forget 'em kind of guy?
(Owen pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to Cristina)
Cristina: Hey there now. Take care now. Nice work Yang. What is this?
Owen: It's my shrink. My shrink gave me these sentences. We came up with them together. They're all 3 word sentences. So I could have something to say to you instead of the 3 words that are... that are killing me. The 3 words that you know I feel but I can't say them, because it would be cruel to say them, because I am no good for you. I don't want to torture you. I don't wanna look at you longingly when I know I can't be with you. So, yeah I'm smiling, and I'm saying take care now. I'm letting you off the hook. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to let you off the hook. I'm trying to make it right. What I did to you. Can't you see that? I'm just trying to make it right.
Cristina: (gives the paper back) Take care now.

I don't know what to say, I'm really tired though.
I think I used up all my energy and no matter how much I eat or sleep I just feel sick for not doing work or eating too much or thinking too much about things.
Please please I need to be strong I need to be around I don't know how to take care of people the way I've been taken care of I wish I could be better at all this :( but I don't even know how to deal with myself now.

I DON'T WANT FUCKING SCHOOL TOMORROWWWWWWW :(