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lovetragedia
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Name: Elaine
Country: Singapore
Metro: Singapore
Birthday: 4/3/1992
Gender: Female
Interests: Ambivalence & Ambiguity, Baking, Brownies, Chocolate, Colours, Grey's Anatomy, Heffalump, Ice Cream, Literature, Movies, Muuuusic, One Tree Hill, Piglet, Photography, Poetry, Photoshop, Sketches, TheDailyScoop.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/16/2006
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Alex: You never run out of chances, as long as you give yourself one.
(...)
Millicent: You're happy, you're better, and I'm the screwed up one. Bravo Bitch.
Alex: Be as nasty as you want. Be me. Don't care. I'm staying because I love you and I'm not giving up on you.
Millicent: Stop being nice to me. Stop trying to help me. I said you were washed up and stupid and then you tried to kill yourself. I'm sorry.
Alex: That was my fault, giving up, because I thought it'd be easier. Is that what you're doing, giving up?
Millicent: I'm not as strong as you are, Alex.
Alex: I'm not strong, but I'm here. And so are you. And we're gonna get you back to your old self.
Millicent: I'm not sure I can get back there.
Alex: Yes you can. You just pick a place, and you start.
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It really is 2010 for real already. Orientation has been crazy great, but now it's time to start studying again and time is going by so fast, CTs are really coming soon :(
Meanwhile, 2010 has really seemed like a really crappy year so far. So many (bad) things have happened, and it's true people always leave.
Wish I knew what to do to stop screwing up friendships and relationships and stop fighting with people all the time. I honestly don't know what happened with us, I wish I knew what happened but I don't, and I'm too tired to fix things although you mean a lot to me. It's just really sudden and I'm not sure if it's fixable, but you were one person I got to know who really means a lot to me and I hate to see us become the way we are, and these past few weeks have been horrible. I really, really miss you. But I know I don't matter that much. Just wish things could get better.
Do hope touch gets better too, I really really think we can do this if we set our hearts and minds to it like we did last year <3
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| I miss so many people right now. But lately I've just been too caught up with the crap I have to do like work or I've really been too tired to actually make an effort to care. But I know I do, so I really need to work on that :(
I'm sorry everyone, for my awful crankiness the past 2 weeks. I'm going to try to get myself together. For those who have been there while I shouted/ranted/threw stuff at, thank you so much I appreciate you all so much :) and I'm really thankful y'all have been there. I have some awesome friends and i hope I never screw up enough to lose that.
It's been a tough, tiring first two weeks of 2010 and looks like it's going to be this way for the rest of the year!!! | | |
| Bad night, and long week ahead.
Sometimes I get paranoid and think that people just say they care because they're obliged to say that, but actually they don't. All the bullshit they talk about how much you matter to them and how they want you to be okay, it's mostly crap. But we just take it all in and we believe them, all because we're pathetic and needy and unstable and emotional and we're not strong enough to push them away like they push us away.
Yet I don't know how to do this on my own. And I'm sorry I'm such a mess, and I'm sorry my 'better' is still not good enough, for all of you. Because despite my trying and my fighting I'm still not okay to all of you. Fuck this just let me do what I want, as I please. I've been trying so hard my whole life to make the people around me happy, now that I want to be selfish I hate myself because I feel like I'm such a bitch.
And great now you, of all people, think I cry a lot. When I don't at all. You just make me, somehow.
Fuck this, thanks for pushing me away. I'm sorry for being a nuisance, in all your lives.
I don't know how to move on, I don't know how to grow up, I don't get how I'm supposed to deal with this because all I can think of is running away.
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| Clay : Sometimes I think that we waste our words and we waste our moments and we don't take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance.
OTH 7.12
I don't really know if I'm better or if I'm alright. I'm just scared and afraid of so many more things I didn't think about until last night. I'm so sorry Will. And mom, and dad.
I'm completely at a loss for words.
But this trip hasn't been bad, at all. We all laugh a lot, and with Will around I don't fight with mom & dad as much, but it's made me realise how much I've changed in so many different ways, good and bad.
This year has passed really quickly, and I know RJ hasn't been what I've wanted or needed at all. I can't be sure if it's made me stronger, but I know it has made me more of a fighter and much more selfish and sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself. I regret coming here, but I guess being messed up in RG didn't give me much of a choice so I couldn't go anywhere else so I have no one to blame but myself. I guess I wish RJ would've been less harsh, and somewhere more livable. But since it isn't, I've no other choice but to live in it for another year and maybe if I try to focus on the things that mean something to me, it won't be so bad.
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Christmas is in two days and I won't even be home. I'd rather sit at home alone and watch love actually and mope, than be somewhere far away where I can't even talk to the people I love. I don't like all this pretending and lying, 'cause I'm really tired and today I just felt like sleeping forever.
I miss you.
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Naomi: Addison, are you okay? What's going on with you?
Addison: Nothing, I'm fine Nae.
Naomi: No, you're not. Look, I went downstairs because I needed to. It was something I had to do, it was something for me, not to hurt you. I want to get past this.
Addison: It's not that.
Naomi: Then what? I have been asking, I have been trying.
Addison: I can't. I, I just can't.
Private Practice 302
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